For to make chicken soup

Tom has been sick. I told him he needed chicken soup. So, Friday, he sent Chantal to the market to purchase two live chickens. I was to cook them with Chantal "as I wished". A rooster and I hen, he told me. Great, I said. The hen would be gang raped by the morning. Well, Saturday morning came. The cock made sure everyone knew morning was coming, had arrived, and continued to remain. About 6:30 I heard Tom up and about, so I stumbled out to tell him "The rooster gets killed first." Then I went back to hiding my head under my pillow...not that it helped.

After the morning rains subsided, Chantal arrived. She generally doesn't come Saturdays, but this was special. We have two extra houseguests. Also, I was to teach Chantal to make chicken soup with dumplings. I had no idea what to do with chicken prior to the recipe part. Thankfully, our three servants did...particularly Anastas, who fills in for Damasene whenever Damasene takes a day or a half-day off. Anastas is a professional chicken killer. Even Rwandans call him to execute and dress their chicken. He's masterful.

Remembering my lovely alarm clock, I made it quite clear I wanted the rooster killed. Chantal looked at me. They’re both roosters. Grown. (Never trust an L.A. lawyer when it comes to knowing something 'bout a chicken's gender.) But don't worry, Grace, Chantal said. We'll kill the one that talks. Thankfully, the cock was talking. So we picked the right one.

How to kill, pluck and dress a chicken Step One: Catch the Chicken
Damasene caught the rooster. This part can be rather tricky. If you've never caught a chicken before, my experience is that the easiest way is to catch them off guard in the coop. The important thing to remember is not to let the chicken go, because it’s going to be really hard to catch it again now that it’s on its guard.

Step two: Kill the Chicken
There are two methods to kill a chicken. One is to simply lie the chicken on a chopping block and cut off its head. This can be rather bloody, but it’s a sure way to be positive that the chicken is dead.

The second method is to wring the chicken's neck. If this is done correctly it's a lot less messy. You take your chicken by the legs (you are still holding it right?). In your other hand pull down on the neck and then bend it upward very quickly. If you've done it correctly, then you will feel a snap, and the chicken will reflexively begin to flap its wings. At this point one would drop the chicken and let it run around the yard until its body finished dying. (Hence the term run around like chickens with their heads cut off).

Anastas cut the head off. I watched with morbid curiosity. You can too, if you want. (See you tube video.)

Step Three: Pluck the Chicken
This can be quite time consuming, if you don't do it the Rwandan way. Boil water. Put the chicken in a bucket. Pour boiled water over the chicken. Pluck.


Step Four: Dressing the Chicken (This step is not for the weak of stomach)
It was better than any biology lab could ever be. This is were Anatas displayed his true mastery.

Step Five: Make chicken soup.
Most of you are familiar with the process of making chicken soup, so I won't belabor the cooking. I'll only mention that I didn't like any of the online recipes, so I made up my own chicken and dumpling soup. That was relatively easy until coming to the dumpling part. We have a family recipe, which I couldn't recall. So, I did the dumplings from memory/sight. It was Chantal's first time making dumplings. The soup turned out perfectly, including the dumplings to my relief. (I'd forgotten a key ingredient.)

We thought the adventure was over. I went to my room to change. Next thing I knew everyone was in a flurry. Rooster number 2 was in the house, Damasene insisted. Tom, Chantal and I searched the house three times over. Declared it was not inside...only to find the live chicken hiding in our billionaire guest's closet. (I've nixed the concept of marrying for money. These billionaires are similarly uninteresting. This billionaire managed to get married, fortunate for him.)

At 4:30 this morning (Sunday) I wasn't woken by a cock-a-doodle-du. Our guest billionaire talking on his cell phone very loudly served as my wake up call. I'm going to have to give him a talking too...maybe suggest that he learn a lesson from the chicken soup.