Melissa sent me one line the other day: "Hi Grace - Don't get married in Tanzania". There was a link to this article. In a sound bit, it says that, in a country where 89 percent of the population survives on a single meal a day, a wedding ceremony costing $10,000 would be considered quite cheap. The bride and groom designate committees, including the most important: the fundraising committee. People often take out loans to give to the wedding of people they don't even know. Then, there are the African wedding crashers, which lend a whole new meaning to the term Wedding Crasher. What do the bride and groom receive as gifts? Barely nothing.

Some call it marriage made easy, others think it's just another way to show up the haves from the have-nots. Either way, wedding committees are part and parcel of life...not just in Tanzania. Rwanda has it's own rituals and appear to be just as costly. There have been probably 7 wedding at the bank (Urwego Opportunity) since I've been here. Everyone gives to everyone elses' wedding. They ask during devotionals. Then lists are circulated. People pledge. People all see how much everyone else pledges. 5,000 RWF (a bit more than 9 USD) after 5,000 RWF bill flow into the department head. Then the department head collects funds and gives it to the wedding couple. At least, that's what is supposed to happen. I was in the financing room, working with Adelin and Chantal, when a bride-to-be received her bucket of 5000 RWF bills. Bucket. I'd never seem such cash. I felt like I was witnessing a bank robbery. And I was in a bank.

I've also seen pictures of the weddings. They are lavish affairs with tents of people...and five long ceremonies:

1) The Giving of the Cow (by the Groom's family to the Brides family, which she disburses as desired...read much family squabbling)
2) The Civil Ceremony (at least two hours)
3) The Church Ceremony (as long as the civil ceremony)
4) The Reception (which lasts forever. If it isn't a Christian couple, there is much dancing and alchohol flows abundantly.)
5) Finally there is the Coming Home Ceremony, where the family and friends take the bride to her new home and hang out before the bride and groom do their thing.
6) Finally, finally - there is yet another tradition. The bride's family isn't supposed to visit the new couple until the couple has first visited them. This tradition is seldom honored.

By the end, everyone is exhausted. Many Rwandan's don't even like all their traditional ceremonies. Though, the Rwandan men very much like the honeymoon. At least, that's what the single ones tell me.

I think the real marriage made easy is what my grandma did in 1944 - elope. Grandma boarded a train in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and road to San Bernadino, California. She and Grandpa Teddy went to the courthouse. Then, after being made decent, they stayed in Riverside's mission inn...at least while Teddy wasn't at boot camp, preparing for the European Front.

Much simpler. No debt. No ridiculous amounts of money spent on a single day...particularly when the bride and groom have no money. Better financial footing for the new couple. (They'll have enough problems to sort through there first year without added money trouble.) For those of you who actually will date and get married, eloping seems like a wonderful way to go.

(For those of you who get frustrated when I sing the praises of eloping, just remember, at present you're fighting a mute battle. So, please allow me to admire the esoteric elopement model, especially when weddings become a means of impoverishing the bride, the groom, the extended family and the community.)

Melissa, don't you worry. I won't get married in Tanzania.